Today’s Epistle
text is something of a mixed blessing for a preacher. On the one hand, this text is loaded with things to preach on. It’s a text despite how it might at first
look has something to say to everyone, regardless of their current situation in
life when it comes to marriage. And when
you consider the current public discourse about marriage, and the way marriage
is so often described and portrayed, it might be one of the most relevant
passages of Scripture. Because arguably
more than any other passage, Ephesians 5 shows us what God created and defined
marriage to be. Lots of good stuff here.
But this is also a
text that isn’t all that popular in the current social discourse. And I bet you can guess why. It’s because so often people can’t get past
those first two words. Wives,
submit. Boom, right there, two words in
and roughly half the population gets upset.
I can understand
why. For one thing, the word “submit”
has pretty negative connotations these days.
It tends to carry an implication of inferiority. Submission tends to become entwined with the
idea of subjugation. And in general the
idea of submitting just doesn’t fit in with the prevailing cultural idea of
being in control of your own life.
This verse also
isn’t overly popular these days because it has
so often been grossly misapplied and misused.
So let’s go ahead and address first what this passage is not saying to wives, or would-be
wives. “Wives, submit to your husbands,”
does not mean that you’re supposed to
be a doormat. It does not mean that you are expected to be
your husband’s sandwich wench, there to serve his every beck and call. It does not
mean that wives are expected to be the silent partner, meek wallflowers
standing behind their husbands and speaking only when spoken to. And it absolutely
does not mean that wives are in any way the lesser or inferior partner.
“Wives, submit to
your husbands,” should never be
understood as “Wives, you are lesser than your husbands.” If the husband is the head, consider the wife
the heart. Think 1 Cor. 12, when in
describing the church Paul writes, “But in fact God has placed
the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the
body be? As it
is, there are many parts, but one body.”
Different organs, different roles, but neither rightly can exist or
function without the other. Are you all
with me so far?
Ok, so let’s look
at what this does mean, then. First, ladies, this is something you are
called to do voluntarily. This isn’t
something you’re forced or coerced into doing.
It has nothing to do with being inferior. Rather, it’s your willing action as an equal.
And as I’m unaware of any arranged marriages for any of you, that means you
did, or you will, choose your husband for yourself. He gets down on one knee, he pops the
question, but the decision to say yes or no is yours. To those of you who are not married yet, take
this seriously. When the day comes and
you’re facing this question, ask yourself if this man is going to be the
husband God would have him to be. Ask
yourself if this man is someone you respect enough to trust him with your life,
with your soul, as the head of you and your children.
We’re told that
wives are to submit to their husbands as to the Lord. That the wife is to submit to her husband
just as the church submits to Christ.
This doesn’t mean that you
worship your husband. What this means is
that you submit to your husband as an act of love to the Lord. What motivates you to submit to your
husband’s headship should be the Holy Spirit leading you to follow God’s
instructions. Your motivation is the
same as the church’s in its submission to Christ.
Why does the
church submit to Christ? Why do we
submit ourselves, our lives, to the headship of Jesus? Because the church knows, because we know,
who our head is. We know who we’re
submitting to. We know that we are under
the headship not of demanding tyrant, but a patient, grace-filled, and loving
Lord.
See, earlier I
said that when this passage gets read, about half the population gets
upset. Claims that it isn’t fair. But you know what? As I tell couples when we go through this
text in pre-marital counseling…it’s the wrong half. And I honestly believe that. Men, the much
larger, much more difficult
responsibility is laid on you. Listen
again to what you’re given to do.
“Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself
up for her, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without
spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.”
Love your wives as
Christ loved the church. Yeah. I’d call that a pretty tall order, wouldn’t
you? Loving your wives according to the
standards and expectations of the world is one thing. But to love her as Christ loved the
church? That means being willing to lay
down your life for her. More than that,
to be willing even to allow her to
strike you down. Because isn’t that what
Christ did? It was those very people
that he loved who nailed him to the tree.
And yet he endured it. He endured
it willingly, so that her sins might
be covered by his blood.
Loving your wife
as Christ loves the church means you love her sacrificially. You’re the head, but everything you do, you
do for her. Every decision that you
make, you make with her best interests in mind.
That means you better be listening.
What is it that she needs from you?
What does she want? What does she
think? Where does she want to go? This woman has submitted herself to your
headship. She has trusted you to protect
her, provide for her, lead her, and love her come hell or high water. How are you going to respond? Are you going to abuse that honor, are you
going to wield it as a weapon against her, or are you going to do everything in
your power to prove yourself worthy of such a divine trust?
Men, being a
husband comes with the responsibility of headship. Being the head doesn’t make you the
boss. Not in the way Donald Trump or
Castro are the boss, anyway. It doesn’t
make you the boss, but it does make you responsible. It makes you responsible for providing for
your family. That doesn’t mean that you
have to make more money than your wife.
Even if you can’t work and your wife is the breadwinner, when things go
bad or money gets tight, the blame doesn’t fall on her. It falls on you. That’s your burden to bear. Not hers.
Even if she feels she deserves it.
Even if by all rights she does
deserve it. It’s still on you.
If the car she
picks out ends up being a lemon, you don’t get to throw it in her face that you
were right. If her method of
disciplining the kids doesn’t work, if her suggestions fail, if she breaks your
most prized and valuable possession…you don’t get to cast blame. You love her as Christ loved the church. That means you forgive her and remember her
sins no more.
I generally hate
the way marriages are portrayed on television.
Especially the men. Especially on
sitcoms. Think of your typical TV
dad. He’s fat. He’s stupid.
If he’s not completely disinterested in his children’s lives he’s at
best a stumbling buffoon who’s only able to do the right thing by sheer dumb
luck. And how does he talk about his
wife? When you turn on the TV, how do
you expect to hear men talking about their wives?
Men, this is not
ok. Love your wives as Christ loved the
church, right? Let’s look at what kind
of wife the church is, remembering that we together are the church. We steal.
We lie. We can’t be depended on
to show up when or where we’re supposed to.
We constantly talk about the neighbors.
We make complete fools of ourselves in public. We blame him when things go wrong. We don’t say thank you when things go
well. We don’t always do what we say
we’re going to do. And we’re so prone to
let our eyes roam and have flings with other gods that in the Old Testament God
actually compared his people to a whore.
And yet, what did
he do? Though he was perfect and without
fault, he died for our sins. He gave up his life so that we might perish,
but have eternal life. He bore the
punishment that was upon us all, so that we might have forgiveness. He took the yoke that was upon us so that we
might be set free. Though we continue to
sin against him day after day after day, he continues to intercede on our
behalf. Though we continue to rebel against
him he continues to stand before the throne of the Father and say, this one is
innocent. Though we continue to sin
against him he promises that nothing can ever separate us from his love.
Men, how are you
going to present your wives, your fiancés, your girlfriends to the world? Are you going to draw attention to her
faults? Are you going to mock her,
expose her to the ridicule and scorn of others…or are you going to present her
the way God instructs you?
Now as you sit
here, you may be feeling a bit convicted about how you haven’t always done what
God has called you to do. And honestly,
I kind of hope you are. That was sort of
the point. We need to recognize and confess our sin. After all, Scripture says that if we claim to
be without sin we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. But, if we confess our sins, he is faithful
and just and will forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Believe that. Find comfort in that. If you’re thinking of ways that you have
failed as a wife or husband, as a mother or father…your sins are forgiven. They have been wiped away at the cross. They have been washed away by the waters of
holy baptism. Be filled with the Holy
Spirit and seek always to respond in faithfulness and praise.
Others of you
might be feeling a different burden. The
burden that can come when a marriage doesn’t go as God or you intended. To you I would say to take comfort in
this. Though your marriage might not
have gone according to plan, you remain a part of the church, the bride of
Christ. And he is the perfect bridegroom.
He loves you. He gathers you to
himself and wraps you in his loving arms.
He will never leave you nor forsake you.
He will never hurt you or abandon you.
He will be there with you always and forever, restoring you, lifting you
up, and presenting you as pure and spotless before your heavenly Father.
Others of you
might be feeling the burden that comes from being widowed. To you I would say, be thankful for the
spouse you had. Give thanks that God
blessed you with them for as long as you had them. And remember that while your earthly spouse
is gone, you too remain a part of the bride of Christ.
To everyone
gathered here today I will close by urging you to continue to submit yourselves
to the head of the church, which is Christ.
Do so knowing that he loves you with a sacrificial, sanctifying love
that transcends all understanding. Live
each and every day being guided by his will, trusting his headship, and looking
forward to that day when we all take part in the wedding feast of the Lamb,
which has no end. Amen.
